Greetings
everyone,
I want to
use this post to reflect on my recent struggles with one of my classes,
multivariable calculus. You could say that mathematics and I have somewhat of a
love-hate relationship with each other. Last semester I was actually feeling
rather fond of math and even considered the idea of pursuing a math minor. I was
taking linear algebra at the time, which was refreshingly different from all
the trig and calculus that had been crammed into my brain in the prior few
years. Linear algebra deals mostly with vectors and certain sets of vectors
called “vector spaces” and the axioms by which they must abide, as well as
linear transformations (functions between two vector spaces) and some
interesting aspects of matrices, determinants, and eigenvectors and
eigenvalues. I’m sure much of that last sentence was completely foreign to many
people, and, in a way, that’s the point. Linear algebra was so new and
different and brought some excitement into my math life.
As I said,
this semester I am taking multivariable calculus. It has been a very harsh
reminder
of why I’m not actually a math person and why I most certainly will
not minor in math! Freshman year here at Clark was all single-variable
calculus: learning how to find limits, take derivatives, and integrate
functions of one variable (single-variable meaning one variable, y, as a
function of one other variable, x, as in y = f(x)), of which I wasn’t the
biggest fan. Now, in the multivariable case, I don’t learn anything totally new
but just relearn things like limits, derivatives, and integrals as they apply
to functions of two variables (as in z = f(x,y)). It’s all just a very tedious
extension of the calculus I’ve already suffered through except instead of
graphing two-dimensional curves I get to graph three-dimensional surfaces,
which of course is quite a pain when lined paper and blackboards are only two
dimensions. And the class covers an astonishing amount of material. We cover,
in one semester, a very complicated extension of the calculus that took two
semesters to study last year.
I could
certainly go on about my extensive distaste for this class, but I don’t want to
ramble on too far. The point is that I find the class quite difficult, and it
has been a consistent source of stress and frustration this semester. Our first
midterm exam was handed back last week; suffice to say I did not do well on it,
at all. This has had my mind in somewhat of a limbo over the past few days.
After such a mediocre result despite tireless efforts, it’s hard not to
question myself and my abilities. The ominous clouds of self-doubt and
despondency are beginning to stir overhead. Well, at least they were. But just
the other night as I lay distressed and wide awake in my bed I thought of
something, and then, for the first time since that exam was handed back, I
proceeded to sleep as sound as a baby.
What I
reminded myself of was that I am a physics major. Yes, it was that simple! It
takes quite a backbone to study something like physics, and it can’t be done without
a lot of resiliency and mental fortitude. I’ve seen the deepest, darkest holes
of academic despair along my journey through physics, and there have been
countless times where I thought it was over, that I didn’t have what it took to
study the subject that I wanted to, and that further pursuit would only result
in failure. But nevertheless I persisted. Now I’m taking a class on quantum
physics and special relativity, which may be the most difficult thing I’ve ever
seen in my entire life, and I’m doing just fine, in fact I did quite well on my
first physics exam this semester.
And so it
became clear to me. I’ve faced some mighty challenges before and thought that
all hope was lost, but in the end I always come out on top. I now cannot think
of any other way to view my current dilemma with multivariable calculus. I have
found the confidence to push myself further and harder in order to assure
myself of success. Although, admittedly, math just doesn’t come as naturally to
me as physics. They are one in the same in many ways, physics and math, and they
share a deep, inseparable bond with each other. But mathematics alone, purely
for its own sake, especially at this level, is very formal and very abstract,
and it can be so incredibly hard to grasp it and be able to solve problems.
Physics on the other hand uses mathematics, in all its cryptic abstractness,
and applies it to something very, very real and comprehendible, the physical
universe in which we all live! There’s something about the application of mathematics
to nature and reality that truly brings the math alive in ways that I can
understand, in a way that cannot be done in a pure math class.
So what
exactly is to become of me in the remainder of this semester in multivariable
calculus, I do not know. Will I ace it? I have my doubts at this point. But I
can certainly (and I certainly will) do what’s necessary to salvage a
respectable grade in the class. And the fact that I’m finally forever finished
with math classes after this, that this is the final push before the top of the
mountain is reached, is more than enough motivation to do just that and come
out alive! It shall certainly be interesting to see how things do play out from
here, but, in case you can’t tell, I have all the confidence in the world as of
the other night when this all dawned on me. I can already envision the joy and
sense of accomplishment which will consume me as I walk out of my final exam
knowing that I’ve done what needed to be done and have left myself in good
hands! I can only hope it goes this way indeed. Even though we’re just not
destined to be together, I’d really like to see me and mathematics part on good
terms.
Thanks for reading!
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